Ten years ago this month, Wade & I walked into a small elementary school cafeteria and experienced a baby church community for the first time. We had been looking for a new church and had tried a few already. But there was something about the 'feel' of this one that both of us agreed fit us well and we decided to make it our church home. The church itself had just been born a couple months prior, so it was small and intimate and fresh.
Over that ten years we had our three kids -- Lucas being the first baby born in our new church family. Wade & I were always active at some level, and in some seasons heavily involved. A few years back we were on the verge of moving out of state, but it fell through and God kept us here.
I've seen many people come and go -- there are only a handful of us originals who have stuck it out. Some got hurt, some got bored, some just wanted something different. I am a witness to the long trail of broken relationships -- that I'm sure is present in most churches. It seemed like the church was one big revolving door sometimes. But no matter who was there and who left, the church remained. For all who wanted to join our community and learn to be the hands and feet of Jesus.
We journeyed through three different locations, numerous staff members, a failed building campaign. We fed & clothed the poor, built homes for the orphans, provided for those in need. Some things we did (I believe) grieved the heart of Jesus, because, well, we're human. And we're good at that. But there were other things that I know pleased Him well. Every time we tripped over our own shortcomings and failures we would just get back up and look for a way to serve the broken in this world. We weren't perfect at the whole "church" thing, but we always tried to keep our focus on reaching out to the broken.
Yesterday was our last service in our building. Our last meeting together as the church I have known for the last decade. The pastor had decided he needed a change. He felt God wanted to do something new. So he decided to lay his church to rest in order to allow God the freedom to give birth to a new creation. Many people came to say good-bye, and others came to celebrate a new season on the horizon. A paradigm shift for some. A little scary for others. A new adventure, nonetheless. A "de"-structuring of sorts, in order to engage ourselves more fully in relationship, discipleship, and outreach. Letting go of a church building and church business, which sucks up so much of our time, energy and resources. Meeting in smaller groups in people's homes, getting close enough to see the fine print in each other's lives. Moving closer to true accountability, spiritual worship (and not just emotional), and transformation into the image of Jesus.
All I can say is, well, I hope it works. I'm not skeptical of the idea. The very thought of belonging to an authentic, transparent community of believers who are a strong force for the Kingdom is like a switch that turns on this bright light in my mind and soul. But I've seen (from close proximity) how people's hearts and hands can take a beautiful gift from God and just trash it. Because it doesn't look like what they want, or deserve. Control is like a magnet. As much as we may try to detach ourselves from it, we always seem to be pulled back in by its force. And when change happens, the magnet gets stronger.
Over the past year I know that I have needed something different, something deeper, something, perhaps, radical? Can't put my finger on it, just know I need it to grow. So one way I am looking at this is as a new piece to the puzzle I call "my life at 40".
Like, a corner piece.
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