Ten Years of Motherhood

Today is the 10th anniversary of me celebrating Mother’s Day as a mom.

Which, of course, means I’ve been parenting for 10 years.

That is a whole decade. Man, that sounds like a long time.

What I find so worthy of retrospection on this day is the multitude of my mistakes that I have seen personify themselves in the behavior and attitudes of my children. It was this realization a couple years ago that my lack of purpose and direction in parenting my kids was having a most undesirable outcome. I knew I had to change something or things could get very ugly.

So as is my usual response to such enlightenment, I sat on it for about a year. And had the frequent thought, “I need to do something”. I tend to let things roll around in my head for a long time before I take action. Sometimes that is a good thing, but most times it’s just pure procrastination. I really didn’t know where to start, so I stayed where I was. And I was actually pretty proud of myself for just giving it thought.

I’ve realized now I was merely continuing the cycle my parents had perpetuated in raising me and my brothers. Very little discipline, virtually no teaching of good habits, and completely barren of character training and mentorship. Both my parents had poor models in their own parents, and besides that their marriage was never a strong partnership. I’m not saying they were bad parents, just ones that didn’t know better.

So when I look back over the last decade, I understand why I considered it a welcome milestone when my son’s attention could last an entire Bob the Builder episode. Or why I felt like I just had to grit my teeth and bear it through my daughter’s tumultuous toddler years and just wait for the day she would “outgrow” her wretched behavior. Or why I would rather read People magazine than read to my kids.

It was because I didn’t grow up learning and experiencing the values for responsibility, respect, discipline, education, and other character-enhancing traits. I didn’t know better.

But about a year ago God redirected the focus of my heart and called me into homeschooling my children. So as I began to seek out and learn how other moms were teaching their own kids at home, my mind was illuminated by not only the variety of approaches, but also by the depth and breadth of what the education encompassed. For many women it wasn’t just about reading through a textbook and taking assessment tests. School was just one of the reasons for homeschooling. Character building, instilling good habits, quality family time, bible study, setting a foundation of values that would carry their children through to adulthood -- these were all convictions that resounded in the hearts of these moms. And for the first time in my parenting career, I stumbled upon practices and values that were foreign to me, but yet seemed to resonate with my desire to change my approach to parenting.

I started reading parenting books, alongside homeschool books. I started implementing some of the suggested practices, and when they didn’t work in the first three days I didn’t give up. I stopped waiting to communicate to my kids until my boiling point was reached and barking ensued. Instead, I started becoming proactive, instead of reactive. I started giving my kids the chance to meet clear, spoken expectations and stopped blaming them for not being smart enough to know better on their own. I became more consistent in my tone, my attitude, and my response. I wrote down what I want my family to value, and then I hung it on the wall. I stopped rushing at the last minute and settling for good enough, and instead planned ahead and made better, more impactful choices that they could learn from. I stopped shirking responsibility for their behavior and habits and became purposeful in training them up as polite, well-behaved kids. I stopped thinking they’re not old enough to “get it” and raised the bar. I stopped believing it’s too hard, it’s too much, it’s too difficult for them. Now I believe they are more capable than I’ve given them credit for.

It’s just one more interesting facet of my 40th year, as I venture along the narrow road of purposeful parenting and start to see budding fruit along the way, albeit miles apart. It is not for the faint at heart. There are days (sometimes weeks) where I cannot see any growth, any change, and I question the direction I’m taking. Is it really the best to be with my children all day long? Am I the best teacher for them? Is it really best for them to be around each other so much? Will these small seeds of instruction that I am planting ever take strong root? I have doubtful, second-guessing days. But one thing I have learned over my 40 years (through experience) is that persistent consistency is key. If I keep sowing good seed, eventually I will reap a good crop.

So on this Mother’s Day I can reflect on the ignorance of days past with the knowledge and hope that God’s grace can transform ashes into beauty, and His wisdom breathes all the power I need to train my children in the way they should go, so when they are older they will not turn from it.

Blessings to all moms who are on this narrow path with me. May we strengthen and edify each other as we purpose to always seek out God’s best for our children.